I officially became Will’s girlfriend in May 19, 2013.
At first I just “liked” him. He’s super sweet. Always puts a smile on my face. Overall a good guy. So why not give it a shot?
So far this has proven to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I didn’t anticipate that I would actually develop feelings for him.
I seriously couldn’t ask for a better person. He’s always reminding me how beautiful I am. Talking about how great I am. He’s so invested in making this work, it’s crazy. I’ve never seen so much dedication. I felt like a bad person not putting in nearly as much effort into this as he was. & I soon as I decided to change my attitude, I felt myself falling for this guy. My walls are slowly crashing down.
What amazes me is that he isn’t my normal type. He’s not Asian. He’s not a swave dresser. He’s on the chunky side. But he’s my taco loving Mexican & I adore everything about him.
He told me he loved me the other day. Of course I didn’t say it back. I don’t believe in saying it unless you mean it too. But after he said those three little words, it really has me looking at my feelings towards him. I have come to the conclusion I absolutely adore him. He’s a drug I can’t live without.
Do I see our relationship going the distance? I actually do. In my opinion, it can only get better from here. As long as he wants me, wants our relationship; I’ll be giving my 100% to him.
It lasted longer than what I was thinking but Mykey did eventually leave the same way he did before. I knew it was going to happen but I let my feelings get the best of me and he wound up hurting me again. I believed the bullshit he told me. I believed in the fantasies in my head. & I got played for a fool.
I spent a couple weeks being butt hurt & sorry for myself. I’m done with that. I told him when we started talking again not to leave me out if the blue again. I wasn’t going to wait. & I’m following through. I waited those couple weeks hoping he would call, but he didn’t so I’m moving on. It sucks. I really liked him, maybe I was starting to love him. But I’m glad this happened before I got any deeper. He’s obviously not the one for me.
So I’ve put myself back out there. Re-opened my Plenty of a fish profile & made a Match.com profile. I’ve met tons of guys. It’s quite overwhelming. I’m a hot commodity it seems. I’ve been on a couple dates. They were all perfectly nice but not for me. Supposedly I’m going on a date maybe tomorrow. I started talking to another possible guy. I like him, so I’m hoping we have that same connection in person.
I may be putting myself back out there but I’m in no rush to get with anyone. I want to be sure. I don’t wanna settle.
& if Mykey decides to reach out one day, I can’t guarantee that I wouldn’t take him back if that were an option. But I would at least hear him out.
Alright I’m done.
Michael Rivera. Please..oh please be it.
What I should tell myself but life elks me different.
Ok, it’s been over a week since I’ve talked to Mykey. The last conversation I had with him is that he wanted to maybe move to Cali, oh & that his phone charger broke so it could be a few days till I talk to him again.
The fact he wants to go to Cali?! Like dude..what to say about that? He said only for a couple months, but even he said this; “if I get a job out there & stuff, why would I come back to Chicago” he’s got a point. Why move somewhere, get your shit together, then leave it all? I know I most likely wouldn’t. Of course I was not digging this idea. I don’t want him to go. I’ve gotten so attached to him. He’s the cheese to my macaroni. But I know at the end, I can’t make him stay nor can I deprive him of a fresh start. Maybe that’s what he needs. Maybe I have to let him go. Not the thought I want. I want him by my side till we die. He tells me to come with him to Cali. Move my life once again to a place that I don’t know. At least here in Illinois, I have smiley. I’m not totally alone. In Cali, I would just have Mykey. & God forbid what if I moved there & things didn’t work out? I would be screwed. & do I really want to move omni out there? I now it wouldn’t fly with Kevin. That’s a fight waiting to happen. All this stuff going through my head & then he fucking tells me his phone is gonna die cuz his charger is broke. Like the fuck?!
How you gonna fucking hit me with wanting to move & conviently , your phone charger breaks. You can’t put this on someone expecting them to just be okay with it. Especially when he knows I’m beyond infatuated with him.
I wanna give him the benefit of the doubt. I really do, but shit..it’s like one thing after another with him. I understand that his life is tough right now. But seriously, this whole shutting me out going MIA for a week or two is so not the business. He wants me in his life, then why not make the effort? If your phone is “dead” because he doesn’t have a charger..honestly there’s other ways to get ahold of me. He’s got Facebook. Why not drop me a message at least telling me everything’s ok. Or a ducking update. Like shit, I’m constantly thinking about him. Worrying about him. If I knew what his dads address was, I’d drive to his dads house. It’s not fair to me to put myself through this. At first I was determined to wait for him no matter what, but now I’m starting to question myself. But I’ve got my heart set on him so I probably will never stop hoping. But eventually, I’m gonna stop trying to call him to see if his phone is back on. I’m not going to make him a priority. I gotta do me. I gotta focus on Omni. & I’m gonna do this stuff with or without Mykey.
Of course I want him by my side. Of course I still want all the things with him that I’ve said in the past. Mykey is special to me. I may even go as far as saying that he could be “the one”. Like I told Tina, I’m gonna give him till the end f the month. Then after, well ill still be waiting but I’m not gonna be as concerned. If that makes sense.
Having a person that you personally know & die the way he did, just really makes you re-evaluate your life. Like what am I doing with myself?
Isaac & I weren’t super close. But his death is really effecting me. I’m so torn up inside. I wanna go curl up under a rock where no one can find me. Being alone doesn’t help. I wish I had a friend or Mykey here to just give me a hug. I don’t wanna be alone.
Who would’ve thought, just 2 days not hearing his voice or anything would tear me down like this? It feels like another piece of me is gone. It’s crazy how much a guy can do this to me. It was never to this level with Kevin. I’m so lost in my thoughts. I’m so depressed. I wanna cry & be alone every second of the day. I’m crazy letting a guy control me like this, but in this case I can’t help what the heart wants or feels.
Honestly, with omni being gone, issues with Kevin, issues with the family…seriously this is the last thing I needed. Totally bringing me over the edge. Mykey is my escape from all this BS. He made me feel like everything is gonna be ok in the long run. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
I’m so stressed lately, yesterday I was cleaning knife & I stared at it die the longest time; fantasizing about how it would feel again pst my skin. That’s scary, I hope I’m not relapsing. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so private & Ivan just talk about my stresses.
Regardless, this about Mykey. You know his phone getting turned off, we’ll it is what it is. I’m just super afraid he’s gonna leave me again with no word. I don’t think I’ll be able to handle that. I more than “like” him. To let myself open up to another person like that like I did with Kevin was a big risk. I just hope when he said “forever” he meant it.
Page 1 of 8